Decide

Sometimes people leave you

Halfway through the wood

Others may deceive you

You decide what’s good

You decide alone

But no one is alone.

~ Into The Woods, Stephen Sondheim

Last week, my lovely friend Kerry asked a simple yet important question on twitter:

What is your favorite way to make big decisions?

Oh boy.

I’ve written quite a bit about the importance of making difficult choices here and here and here. I’m a firm believer that making choices provides necessary opportunities for growth.

But I’ve steered clear about writing much about making decisions. There’s a reason for this: I don’t like making them. Most of us don’t.

Aren’t choices and decisions like potato, potahto?

No, although it’s easy to confuse the two.

First, a little old-fashioned examination is required:

Choice implies freedom and presence. Choice is based on picking an option or preference. When we are presented with choices, we are in the moment.

Decision implies process and finality. Translated literally, “dic” means to talk or declare, “cide” means to cut. In other words, end of discussion. For this reason, a process must occur in order to reach a decision. In this same way, a judge announces his/her decision, not his/her choice.

Here are few other guidelines to navigate the differences:

We don’t always have a choice, but we can always decide how we will react.

We can have multiple choices, but only one decision at a time.

Once a decision is made, our choices become easier to make as well. We have a standard by which to measure all else by.

Decisions are internal. Choices, on the other hand, can be seen by others based on the actions we take.

Capeesh?

With this in mind, and thanks to Kerry’s question, I’ve developed my

6 Step Process to Making Big Decisions:

1. Know your why/core values

If this process were modeled on Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, this first step would be the foundation. And yet, as important as it is, we like to overlook it. Because it can be hard to see if we don’t search very deeply. Delving into our why is scary.

In the journey of life, though we shed old layers and continuously uncover new ones, we never fully expose our ultimate “truth”. Some people call this God. You can call it whatever you like, of course.  But even though we can’t see the whole picture, when it comes to being faced with big decisions, we have to start with that which we can see and go from there.

2. Determine your priorities

Part of the fun/torture of being human, is that we all have multiple core values. My personal belief (and that of most religions) is there are a finite number of these values, and they vary in degree of importance, depending on the person. This is why two (or more) people with good intentions can come to different and even opposing decisions; they are each starting from different foundations.

Generally speaking, when faced with big decisions, our own values will clash with each other. This is when we have to prioritize them in order to determine which is most important.

3. Make Choices

Once we have examined and prioritized our values, it’s time to make choices. (A common mistake in the decision-making process is skipping the first two steps and starting here).

As previously mentioned, choices mean having options, and the bigger the decision, the more of them we will have to sift through. But if we’ve followed the first steps, we now have a standard to bases these choices on.

4. Take Action

At this point it’s time to put our money where our mouth is. Having made our choices, moving forward becomes easier because we are not weighed down with options and what-ifs. Our burden is lifted because we’ve done the hardest part already.

Some people continuously skip ahead to this step, depending on their tolerance for risk-taking. People who seem to fly by the seat of their pants are among them.

But the more self-aware we are, the faster we can reach this step, without throwing caution to the wind altogether.

5. Reflect

This step is not about hindsight or looking back with regret. It’s about taking a moment (or longer) to consider the results of our actions. Did we accomplish what we wanted to or did we fail? How can we improve the next time?

As tempting as it is to just move on, remembering what got us to where we are now can be a powerful tool for making big decisions in the future.

6. Learn

Admittedly, this is more a result of the previous five steps, but it’s worth noting. The more we learn about ourselves and the world around us, the better we can understand our place in it, and our ability to be a more engaged part of it.

No One Size Fits All

When making big decisions, there are simply too many variables for someone else to call the shots for us.

And of course, what we see from others is the result (action) of their decisions and not the process itself.

For these reasons, comparison and jealousy are futile. The decisions of others can never be totally replicated.

You and you can only decide that which belongs in your story, no matter how much we may try and find the answers elsewhere.

So into the woods you go.

So now I’ll ask you Kerry’s question: How do YOU like to make big decisions? Please share your thoughts in the comments below.